"LISTEN" my body screams, but I don't answer.

I haven't posted these past few weeks because I've been mulling over the idea of "Listening." How can we better listen to The Universe when it's trying to send us a message? How can we better listen to our bodies?

And it's ironic because what finally got me writing today was the realization that I have not been listening to my body. In one circumstance anyway, and here it is.

One of my regular yoga students has begun the habit of hugging me. What started with one has now evolved to every class, before and after. And I'm not huge hugger with strangers. But would this lovely person know? Of course not because I also hate confrontation. I hate people feeling rejected. And unloved. And unwanted. The list of excuses goes on. For weeks, a mantra has played in my head before this person comes in:

Get over it.

It's not a big deal.

Don't you want this person to feel connected?

And I do ... but this is a familiar tune for me.

When I was young, my abuser would ask me to do "small" things that were"not a big deal." I loved him. It made him happy. Why would I not do it?

Clearly, I still sacrifice my comfortability for others.

"Love yourself first." Didn't I write that but a few posts ago? Loving yourself includes setting boundaries. It includes listening to yourself. It's a disservice to my student and myself to not be truthful to what I want.

So as much as I'd like to bottle my feelings and throw them into the deepest ocean, I need to stand up for my uncomfortability. I need to listen to my body.

Especially when it's "small."

Especially when I don't want to.