Waking Nightmares, Sleeping Dreams

I love sleeping.

The cozy blankets. The soothing dark. The time I get to do nothing but escape into my dreams. It's a time of restoration, mentally and physically. For some like me, it's also a time the subconscious comes out.

When I was young, I used to have recurring nightmares. Clear and abstract manifestations of the abuse I endured. In a particularly frightening one, I found myself in a maze of blank white walls. Scared and alone, I turned each new corner with the hope of escape. Turn, Turn, Turn – My panic finally culminating at a dead end with a gigantic hungry lion towering over me.

Sleep was not restorative back then. Sleep was reliving my waking nightmares.

Desperate to make them stop, I told my mom who introduced me to lucid dreaming.

"You can change your dreams you know." She said.

"All you have to do is remember you're dreaming. Nothing can hurt you."

She was right.

Sometimes life is like a dream.

We walk around day after day going to the same places, doing the same things. We get worked up about small inconveniences. Triggering little trauma. Big Trauma. We're here to experience life in all it's complex emotions, but whenever we find ourselves too immersed in the mental pain, all we have to do is remember.

Nothing can hurt me.

***

Writing this journal entry has inspired me to try lucid dreaming again. I'll report back my findings.