New Moon in Leo Circle

I look forward to this women's circle every month.

It's a time I get to connect with like-minded individuals. People who are slowly becoming my friends.

With each circle, I gain a little more confidence in myself. The confidence to witness another person in their entirety. To be witnessed in mine. But it's hard. Both require vulnerability, patience, and curiosity.

This past circle especially required all three.

Halfway through the circle, one of the organizers announced we would now be pairing off to "eye gaze" – look into another person's eyes for two minutes without breaking eye contact.

My stomach dropped.

Oh god, no ... I'm so awkward.

But I knew this was a time to work with my discomfort. Discomfort being the area for growth.

So, I took a deep breath and scooched a foot closer to my partner.

She smiled kindly, and we chatted for a brief moment before the symbol chimed signaling to begin.

And so there we were.

Two semi-strangers, semi-acquaintances staring into each other's eyes.

Hers were big and brown. I noticed large pupils – just like mine, which made me smile.

Actually, we both couldn't stop smiling.

We both felt the strangeness. The slight awkwardness.

I kept thinking: "Which eye do I even look at?"

But after a few more seconds, we settled into it.

I tried to experience her in that moment with as little commentary as possible but found it difficult.

My mind darted everywhere.

Oof, my face twitched.

Did I just look away?

Now her face twitched.

Do I look weird?

Her eyes are so pretty.

Suddenly, we heard the chime again, and it was over.

The room burst into an explosion of chatter, and I strangely found it hard to look away from her eyes.

My body wanted to continue even though my mind didn't.

We began talking again, and it felt natural to make eye contact.

In fact, it felt easier all around to make eye contact.

Confidence rose in my chest.

I sat up a little straighter.

Smiled a little brighter.