Goodbyes are Hard

This past week I decided to cut off contact with a very dear friend.

It was the kind of decision that felt like lose-lose. I lose my friend or I lose this new sense of self I've been cultivating. My heart aches even now as I type that ... but I'm confident I made the best decision.

It's funny how we know something isn't good for us, whether it's a relationship, a hobby, or whatever, but we fight so hard to keep it anyway. We listen to our lies and wishful thoughts:

It can't be bad for me now, it helped me so much.

It'll get better. I just have to do ____.

No, it's not affecting me.

I've done so much personal growth in the last year that I'm not the same person I was. I want and need different things. I have different aspirations. A different lifestyle. It makes sense that as we change, our past doesn't quite fit into this new puzzle we've made.

And knowing all that, it's still hard.

What makes it easier is focusing on the person I'm becoming. Focusing on that feeling later in life when I look in the mirror and know I've conquered what used to feel impossible.

I've decided to use this difficult decision as a catalyst to make other difficult decisions in my life.

I'm cutting out weed.

I'm waking up early.

I'm taking my health and fitness seriously.

I'm changing. Accepting the present.

And as always, loving myself.