Destiny vs. Willpower

Lilly Scheibelhut
Feb 23, 2025
1 min read

Lately, I've been dreaming about my exes. A few times even my abuser.

It's always the same. I find myself in a situation. A pattern. A cycle. I don't want to be there, but I'm there. I think: "How did I do this to myself, again?"

Usually, I sigh and believe it's just destiny.

But, it's not.

I'm scared of detaching. I'm scared of telling this person my true feelings. Scared of leaving this person and being "alone" ...

A past me would have said, "Oh well. It's just a dream. It doesn't matter." But, it does. Dreams are the gateway to our subconscious. And even though I'm in a healthy, loving relationship now, I clearly have a deep, karmic seed that needs to be burned up.

So, I've been practicing. Before sleep, I rehearse the situation and instead of feeling hopeless, I feel confident.

"I love myself. I will not repeat this pattern. I am never alone."

1/15/26

This isn't goodbye.

When I started this blog, a year and a half ago, it was almost a manifesto of sorts, proclaiming, "Hey, World, I was sexually abused as a child, and this is how I live with it." I wanted my words to help people feel whole, connected, and loved. I wanted to help people heal from suffering. And while I think I've accomplished those tasks to an extent, I know I can do better. I've changed a lot in this last year and a half. It's only natural that as I evolve, so do my offerings to you. My blog...

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1/4/26

Change is Coming

I'm laying on my blue couch cushions, wrapped in a long fuzzy blanket. Not that I really need it because it's a sunny 70 degrees outside here in Denver. But there's a cool cross breeze going through the open windows in our house and as anyone who knows my family knows, Scheibelhuts gets cold. As I'm bundled up here, I'm thinking back to all this past year has brought. I got my yoga teaching certification. Started teaching yoga a mere 3 weeks after that. Began my sober lifestyle. I moved into...

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12/9/25

When there seems like little hope

Sometimes the world is a bad place. There's real heart sorrowing tragedy. Natural disasters. Life ending sicknesses. War. Shootings. Trauma. When I read the news or hear people discuss current events, it can feel scary. Like there's a real loss of safety. But I have a quick exercise for you. Right now, look around the room that you're in and notice everything that is brown. Take inventory of what each object or surface is. Go ahead take a minute and look. When you're done, read this next...